her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
