Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
