I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
