I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
