whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
