Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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