I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
