I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
