Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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