I'm jealous of your bromance
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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