my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to make out with him forever
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
