Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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