Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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