Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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