Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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