just tell him i said nine months
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
