just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
