i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
