watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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