and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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