i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
