i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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