After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
