Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
