There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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