I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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