hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
