I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
