if i died would you start the facebook group?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
