i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
