i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
