we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dear god my vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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