I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
