I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
