WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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