I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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