i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
