if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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