I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would fuck him just for his dog
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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