Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
