She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
