I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
