Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
