so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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