I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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