I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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