i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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