Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
