i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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