at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
