I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
