Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize