i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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