but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
