The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
