im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
