He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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