Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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