It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
