You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
