at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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