I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
