I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
