Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
