hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
