i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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