in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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