Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
