i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
