Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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